Unforgiven
by sakachan
Summary: Heero and Duo grieve over their sins, hoping for forgiveness but never expecting to achieve it. Pairings: None- there’s no implied yaoi either. If you want to imagine Heero and Duo together, be my guest. I’m just the writer, what do I know?...


Disclaimers: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise, and Cartoon Network. Notice "Saka-chan" is not located within those names. Meaning, I- Saka-chan- do not own the rights to Gundam Wing. "As Heaven Is Wide" belongs to Garbage, which is a group that totally kicks ass! The song used above is from their first CD, 'Garbage' (with the pink cover- the only *good* thing that's pink besides Starburts).  
  
  
  
  
  
Unforgiven  
  
  
  
Duo stepped into his room located within the weathered and beaten safehouse. He sighed, falling onto his small bed with a 'thump.' He sighed again, staring up at the water-stained ceiling.  
  
'Missions suck. . .' he thought to himself, raising himself up and walking into the bathroom  
  
  
  
Nothing that you say will release you  
  
Nothing that you pray will forgive you  
  
  
  
Duo stepped into the tiny shower, the hot water hitting him in the face with great force. He succumbed to the flowing liquid and let his body fall almost limp, using only a little strength to keep himself standing.  
  
He started washing his long, chestnut colored hair. Suddenly, he paused. He stared down at his hands, which, to him, had the stain of dark, red blood. He gave out a short cry. Crouching down, he started crying softly, the rushing water muffling his sobs.  
  
'Nothing can save me. . .' he thought painfully. 'Too much blood. . . I've killed too many people. I've taken too many lives.' He buried his young, thin face in his long, slender hands, whimpering quietly.  
  
'I really am Shinigami. . .'  
  
  
  
Nothing's what your words mean to me  
  
  
  
'All of Father Maxwell's teachings. . . they're worthless now!' Duo banged his fist against the tile wall of the shower, cracking the ugly salmon-pink tile beneath his fist. He let out another cry, which vibrated throughout the small bathroom.  
  
'They're meaningless now. . . completely useless. . .'  
  
  
  
Something that you did will destroy me  
  
Something that you said will stay with me  
  
Long after you're dead and gone  
  
  
  
Heero collapsed onto the bed in his room within the safehouse. He had a strong desire to just fall unconscious then and there. However, he knew that if he were to fall asleep, he would just be haunted by the demons that hid within his dreams- reminding him of the countless lives he had taken over the years; eating away at him, pushing him closer and closer to the brink of insanity.  
  
Finding the strength to get up, he removed himself from the bed and walked toward the door to the bathroom. He stopped, putting his ear to the door. Hearing the sound of water (and what sounded like muffled sobs), he assumed Duo was already taking a shower. Heero shrugged and walked back over to his own bed.  
  
There, he fell backwards onto the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes, holding back painful tears.  
  
'How will they view me in years to come?' he asked himself, biting his lip to keep from letting out a cry of anger. 'Heero Yuy, savior of the Earth; the one who destroyed the plans for Operation Meteor. . .' He whimpered slightly.  
  
'. . . or Heero Yuy, callous murderer of innocent lives?'  
  
  
  
If flesh could crawl  
  
My skin would fall  
  
From off my bones and run away from here  
  
As far from God  
  
As heaven is wide  
  
As far from God  
  
As angels can fly  
  
  
  
'That's all I am. . .' Heero thought. 'A cold, heartless murderer.'  
  
'I truly am Shinigami,' Duo thought, getting up from his crouched position. 'I don't seem to give a damn about the people I kill.'  
  
  
  
If holy is as holy does  
  
This house will burn straight down to hell  
  
Taking its conscience with it as it falls  
  
  
  
Heero sighed, small, crystal tears falling down upon the gray sheets that covered his bed. 'We're murderers. . . all of us. . .' He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. Images of the rest of his team danced in his mind, making his heart ache.  
  
'Everyone else thinks we don't feel bad about our missions- that we just kill for the hell of it.' He quietly sobbed, his tears leaving large, dark blue spots upon the blueish pillow.  
  
'They don't realize that we *do* have consciences! That we're tormented by our deeds.' He let out a louder, lower-pitched sob.  
  
'But it doesn't matter if we do, does it? We're still going to hell for what we're doing.'  
  
  
  
Nothing said could change the fact  
  
My trust was blind; you broke the pact  
  
If God's my witness, God must be blind  
  
  
  
Duo began to finish his shower, lathering his pale skin with some blue, scented body-wash he had "borrowed" from Quatre. His tears were falling at a slower rate now, but his eyes were red and swollen.  
  
He began to sadly remember the last words he had heard from Sister Helen, right before she died in his arms. "You are Maxwell's little angel."  
  
'Yeah right,' Duo thought. 'Angel of *death* is more appropriate.' He continued to spread the lather over his bare, pale chest. 'I'm no angel. . . I shouldn't even be considered a child of God. My cross is just an accessory for my ironic outfit of a priest.' He shook his head.  
  
'If God thinks I'm worthy of the title of "angel," he must be blind!'  
  
  
  
If flesh could crawl  
  
My skin would fall  
  
From off my bones and run away from here  
  
As far from God  
  
As heaven is wide  
  
As far from God  
  
As angels can fly  
  
Take it back- I dare you take it back  
  
No you can't? You should've thought of that  
  
What's inside a man that goes so wrong  
  
  
  
'No way to repent now. . .' Heero thought, holding back another cry. 'Even if I were to stop fighting now and try to repay my debt, it would take centuries to even have a *chance* of being forgiven.'  
  
He sighed, rolling back onto his back. 'I can't take it back. . . there's no way to be forgiven. . .'  
  
  
  
Choke on guilt, that's far too good for you  
  
Say one word, I'll laugh and bury you  
  
And leave you in the place where you left me  
  
  
  
'I am the Almighty Shinigami,' Duo thought harshly as he turned off the water and tied a white cotton towel around his waist. He took another towel and started drying his long, chestnut hair. 'I don't seem to give a damn about the people I kill. I take people's lives just to support my own sick obsession.'  
  
He wiped off a small area of the steam-covered mirror, allowing him to look at himself. Suddenly, an image of himself flying in Deathscythe flashed over in his mind.  
  
[flashback]  
  
The black Deathscythe rose up over the horizon in a god-like manner. The uniformed Oz soldiers that walked about the base watched on in terror as Duo fired his buster cannons at the base, destroying any and every building he possibly could.  
  
When a bold Leo made an attempt to destroy Deathscythe, Duo simply let out a maniacal laugh, swooping his scythe down upon the undertrained soldier.  
  
"Ha ha!! Shinigami is back from HELL!!!" Duo continued to destroy the base, not taking notice of the city that laid around it. His mission was to destroy the base- enough said.  
  
After he had completed his work, Deathscythe stepped back and surveyed the damage. Duo had a grin of pride on his face. . . until he saw the charred bodies of women and children strewn across the grounds, surrounded by crumbling and burnt buildings. Various limbs had been detached from their bodies. Duo cried out in pain as he realized where he had seen this sight before. . .  
  
[end flashback]  
  
He stared at himself for a second, before collapsing onto the ground, sobbing violently.  
  
'I did exactly to them what they did to me!' he cried out in his mind.  
  
'I'm just as horrible as them!!'  
  
  
  
If flesh could crawl  
  
My skin would fall  
  
From off my bones and run away from here  
  
As far from God  
  
As heaven is wide  
  
As far from God  
  
As angels can fly  
  
  
  
Heero awoke from his daze when he heard the violent crying of his partner. Immediately, Heero ran into the bathroom, only to find Duo sobbing madly on the tiled floor.  
  
"Duo?. . ."  
  
Duo shot his head up, his swollen violet eyes meeting those of Heero's cobalt blue eyes. "Hey Heero," he sniffled. His crying quickly lessened upon the Japanese boy's arrival.  
  
"Duo, daijoubu desu ka?" Heero asked, stepping closer to the American.  
  
"Hai," Duo answered in a half-whimper. He continued to look up at Heero through reddened eyes.  
  
"Don't lie to me," Heero said sternly. He kneeled down beside the boy. "What's the matter?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought it would make you feel better," Heero shrugged.  
  
"No, but thanks," Duo replied, forcing a smile to his lips.  
  
"Hn," Heero shrugged, walking out of the small bathroom.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Hm?" Heero turned his head to meet the violet gaze of the American pilot.  
  
"Do you think God will ever forgive us? You know, for everything we've done?"  
  
"I'm sure He will," Heero answered, causing the American to give him a wide, sincere smile. "Now hurry up. The rest of us need a turn in there."  
  
"'K, Heero!" Duo said, getting up from his position on the floor. Heero shut the bathroom door, then leaned against it.  
  
'I hate lying to Duo,' Heero thought with a sigh, walking toward his bed to get undressed.  
  
  
  
Owari 


End file.
